Joshua Chidiebere (not real names) was the only
child of his parents and got maximum attention from his parents. He was enrolled
in the best elementary and post elementary schools in their neighbourhood. He
was brilliant, intelligent, energetic and creative because of the attention he
got from his parents and family. When he is sick, all the neighbours would not
have peace until he is well. Infact, the mother had to resign from her place of
work in order to give full care and attention to Joshua. He got everything he wanted unlike some
children who have to share their parents attention and other things with their
siblings (like me lols).
Personality is made
up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that make a
person unique. It arises from within the individual and remains fairly
consistent throughout life (psychology.about.com). So many factors like the
environment, parental style, hereditary traits, birth order etc contribute to
the personality traits in an individual.
The order of a child’s birth to some extent
contributes to the personality of the child as it relates to the roles and
responsibility which the child plays in the family. Psychologists world over
had written on this aspect of child development but in this discuss, I am going
to talk about the following birth orders:
a. FIRST CHILD
b. MIDDLE CHILD
c. LAST CHILD
d. ONLY CHILD
e. TWINS
a. FIRST BORN: First
borns are a sort of experiment to their parents who are new in child bearing
and rearing. I refer to them as the “lab rat” of the family (I fall in this
category).
The parents are stringent with
rules with the first born because they (parents) did not want him/her to turn
out bad in order not to be a bad example to their younger ones.
First borns are made to act like
mini-adults and are taught to making decisions when their parents are not
around. They therefore tend to be achievers, reliable, authouritarian, cautious
and controlling.
From my personal experience as a
first child, I was made to do chores that adults do and my mum was always there
to put me through and if I did not get it right,you know what will happen now? Enough
koboko and omorogun (turning stick) to make my head do it right lols. This
really helped me to know how to do many things in the house especially cooking(most
of my friends like Mobutu can attest to this). I was given so many responsibility
which sometimes weigh me down because I don’t have time to play with my
friends.
b. MIDDLE CHILD:
The direction to which the personality of the middle child switches will depend
on if the first child is an achiever or not (not in all cases). If the first
child is an achiever, the middle child may behave in a way that makes him/her to
be the black sheep of the family if the parents are always eulogizing the first
child and the middle child can be of good behaviour if the first child is not
living up to the expectation of their parents.
Middle children are mostly rebels
who react to the behaviour of the first child and are always in dilemma when
they have younger siblings because they do not also want to be a bad example to
them. Middle children tend to be people pleasers, have large friends circle and
are peace-makers.
c. LAST CHILD: The last child or “last born” is free-spirited
and this is largely due to their parents “I don’t care attitude”. Their parents
are more experienced in child rearing and believe they are experienced.
Last children are the baby of the
family who gets the attention of everybody in the family and are manipulative,
self-centred, and attention seekers.
They turned out to be spoilt and
the older children always blame the parents for this. They also find things
easy because they have people who are always ready to help or assist them when
in need.
d. ONLY CHILD: This
set of children gets all the attention they need from their parents and family
members. They are referred to as “super-first born”. They do not get to compete
for anything unlike other children and they tend to behave like perfectionists
who do not want to disappoint their parents for all the love and care showered
on them.
The over pampering may negatively
affect their personality as they will expect non-members of their family to
also give them the kind of attention they get from their parents.
e. TWINS: Twins
do not have a pattern of behaviour as to order of birth but culture plays a
prominent role in the kind of attention twins get from their parents. In Yoruba
land for example, twins are seen as a semi-god who need special attention and
they cook beans with red oil to appease them.
Also, the second twin (Kehinde)
tends to get the parents attention because most of them do have health challenges
unlike the first twin (Taiye). Because of this, Yorubas refer to the second
twin as the eldest (akehinde gbegbon) in order to make him/her feel important (my
thoughts).
Most twins are always seen doing
things together but there are those crazy ones who do not look alike and you
cannot get any similarity in behaviour and attitude.
So,
which order do you fall and what was your experience like?
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